Kick off!!

It all kicks off TOMORROW!!

Will I be disciplined enough?

Will this make a difference?

So the rules are:

• Exercise an hour a day 
• Be self disciplined with what I eat (no iced mochas or TimTams) and 
• Overall change my way of living

At the end of the 12 weeks I hope to feel healthy, feel good about myself and to fit into my nice clothes again.

I admit I am nervous, the program is slightly overwhelming.

I am also concerned about where I will find the time to do all this exercise. 

It’s Week One and I already am not sure if I can squeeze in the exercise with all that's going on this week (am I really going to fail on the first week?)

So this week I had to do my measurements and take a ‘before’ photo.

36-24-36 ummmmm, not quite… actually I nearly ran out of measuring tape on the bottom half.

The before photos of me in my underwear produced some scary images… I did have this fear I’d hit ‘all staff’ when I emailed it to myself … now that would have left me with some explaining to do…

So after tomorrow,  I will never again say I'll start tomorrow..

so here we go.... 

                          up, up and away

Guilt

Am I ever not feeling guilty?

What am I guilty of... well here are some of the reasons on the list...

• For not spending enough time with bubs
• Eating the wrong food
• Not exercising
• Not doing my uni work
• Not looking after the house enough
• Not cooking nice dinner
• Not being a good wife
• Not staying in contact with my friends

Every time I am doing something – I seem to feel guilty, because I feel I should be doing something else.

When I was on maternity leave and a stay at home mum – I felt guilty because I wasn’t working. 

Now I am back working I feel guilty I’m not with my baby… and then I feel guilty because I’m only working part-time… 

After the guilt (or because of) there comes the ‘justification’.

When I was on maternity leave I felt I always had to justify, ‘Well, I am at home with the baby now, but I am a superhero usually.’

When we moved countries, I gave up my job as a superhero and am now a part-time non-superhero…  So of course, I still feel I have to justify what I once was… ‘I’m a part-time non-superhero now… but last year I was a superhero…’

I think some of the guilt and justification is because I feel I have lost some of my identity since I became a mum… My life was my work… now what is my life?  - my child? well yes (I have to say that don't I?), but do I have to give up 'me'? … I am part of the ‘Have it all’ generation… I am embodying ‘female choice, autonomy, consumerism and aesthetic perfection whilst denying a space for drudgery or confinement to the home’ (can I just say that ref: Allen & Osgood was pulled from my thesis – to prove I do get some Uni work done… sometimes… why I eat chocolate… and don’t do the house work… and don’t play with the baby… and don’t go to the gym….. and am generally a bad person). I blame it on the expectation to be the perfect 'yummy mummy'.

Anyway, speaking of 'yummy mummy' the Body Transformation task this week – Mentor M has me emptying the kitchen cupboards of all things evil.

The task was to put the rubbish bin into the middle of the room, open the cupboards and throw everything out that is bad… now come on MM – if that doesn't make someone feel guilty I don't know what does! There is nothing worse than throwing out perfectly ‘good’ food – at least let me eat it in one big feast… and feel guilty about that!

To be honest there actually wasn't that much naughty food in our kitchen (when someone uses the words ‘to be honest’, they are soooo lying  – it’s like saying ‘not being mean, but’… just before you verbally abuse the person).

Therefore I’ll be honest, there is (was) a packet of Tim Tams…to justify (as I always do)...there is a story about why they were there, it entails – a Visitor coming, buying biscuits, Ramadan, Biscuits still here… Yes visitor was fasting! Actually, lucky when he got here he mentioned he had to get back for the prayers before the husband could offer the biscuits (how's that for cruelty - waving TimTams around while someone is fasting! Now that would be something to feel guilty about!!), so Tim Tams are (were) still in the cupboard.

So all the junk food is to be eradicated, that’s all the sugary, processed foods, soft drinks, cordials and juices, all to be replaced with healthy foods.

As I was saying, to be honest (mmm), there isn’t that much junk in the cupboards, probably because if there was I’d have eaten it already…. For example, as you've probably guessed the Tim Tams aren’t there any more, I really suck at the self discipline. That is the whole reason we are doing this task, hey MM? 

So now, after feeling guilty for having the stuff in the cupboard, then guilty for getting rid of it, I feel guilty, for feeling guilty all the time......

I can never win!!

up, up and away....

  

Say It Out Loud

Oh no, hitting the first downer….

I ate lots of naughty things this week and scales don’t look good… haven’t been to the gym for three days either… Alright, alright I confess, I’ve actually put on 1kg but please, please, please don’t tell Mentor M… I’ll lose it before next weigh in I promise (actually I will skip the next weigh in and she'll never know)... next weigh in I'll pretend I’ve maintained (the thing is, I have actually lost 2kg since I started blogging so now I've only lost 1kg.. The shame...)

But you see living I'm living in Singapore... someone suggested finding a pizza place, I haven't had pizza in 6 months!!... then a kids party... cupcakes... National day... wine and nibbles... oh dear...

It’s okay… I’ve not officially started… I still have 16 days to get my mind set unscrambled (official start day is the 27th of August)... remember this is pre-season... man I really have to stop this self (blog) justification!

Okay it’s time to take it up a notch…Mentor M says it’s pledge time this week…

I think I have worked out why MM is making us do this pledge. I ‘ve already noticed that having told people about this does make a difference.

I was at a friend’s and I went to eat crisps… ‘How’s the diet going?’ she asks, as they make it half way to my month…

‘Ummm, I haven’t officially started yet,’ I reply,  as I stuff the crisps in my face, ‘But I don’t buy chocolate any more.’ I justify as I wipe the crumbs away.

But I did feel guilty…. So do you think that is why MM makes us say it out loud?

So 'The Pledge'  here goes:

'I pledge allegiance to the flag of…' sorry couldn’t resist….you were all thinking it weren't you? (or just me who watches way too much American TV?)... alright, I'll try again.. (I'm stalling, this 'Pledge thing' feels really corny). Alright MM says do it:

"I, ‘Not-Superwoman’, make a commitment to the universe & all my blog readers to get to 59kg and be fitter and toned. No matter how long it takes.

I will work as hard as I need to, to achieve this goal and I am committed to do the work I need to do to get me there."

Okay it is out there.... floating in the universe... I said it out loud... we shake on it!

I will reach this pledge by committing to exercising and watching my food intake (that doesn’t mean watch it as it gets stuffed in my face.

I am committed to stop procrastinating and start making changes! 

No longer will I think, " I’ll start tomorrow.." Well as of the 27th of August I will no longer think "I’ll start tomorrow.." 

I WILL START ON THE 27th of AUGUST and not look back!!!

I will give you 100%... you know…I really hate it when people say 110%.. there is no such thing is there? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of having the number 100%... if you’re allowed to add then 110% isn’t that much.. it would have to be 100& billion%?? It's really confusing... so I’ll say 100% and you know what I mean.

I WILL give 100% because 100% means everything...

All right… time to stop feeling guilty for being naughty and try & try again..

up, up and away...

Taking Control

Setting My Goals

So I have been set the challenge to write S.M.A.R.T goals. SMART is an mnemonic for: 

Specific/Measureable/Achievable/Realistic/Time Based.

(you know I just wanted to throw in the word mnemonic to look smart - not the mnemonic version, the one who is characterised by sharp quick thought... who is amusingly clever and witty as well as canny and shrewd... gosh I love thefreedictionary.com).

So any way..... here it is.... 

In the next 12 weeks, I want to lose 12 kg and look like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2.

(oh alright... If I can't be 'Sarah Connor' I'll settle for  toned, stronger and fitter).

So I better break it all down…

The Short term Goals:

1 month (September)

To weigh 66kg

• No Chocolate (does an Ice Mocha count?)
• 30 mins gym 5 days a week

2 Month (October)

To weigh 63kg

• No Sugar (seriously, I need to know - does an Ice Mocha count??)
• No alcohol (too bloody expensive in Singapore anyway)
• No Junk (subject to interpretation)
• 40 mins Gym 5 days a week.

3 month (November)

To weigh 59kg (and look like Sarah Connor)...

• all the above
• 50 mins gym 5 days a week.

Okay so by the end I should fit back into my pre-baby clothes.. but considering they are all London-cold-gloomy-no-colour clothes my reward to self is ....(please note: mentor M says you have to tie your goals in with a reward… so I am only doing as I am told okay) is to buy NEW CLOTHES!! YAH!!! (with all the $$ I saved on the 'no' list!)

Here is the thing though… as I am living in Singapore… where the average weight of a woman is 55kg shopping is a nightmare! Currently I pick up a pair of trousers and before I can even ask for a size 12 (I'm lying... I'm a size 14).... I hear the sales assistant say.. ‘We don't stock larger than a 10...’. 

%$£@!!!!

Therefore, my shopping spree will have to be back home in OZ…So my reward to self is a trip to OZ... YAH!!!

Also I have a deal with ‘The Man’... If I hit my wedding day weight (59kg - seven years ago) I get a pressie… something shiny is all I ask for…

So to the long term goal:

6 months (February)… to still weigh 59 kg… mmm that’s probably the hardest goal to reach... we'll talk about 'maintaining' on another day...

So as I said in ‘Oh No.... Mr Grey.....’ I need an official start date… and I have one... it’s in 22 days time, as per mentor M's guidance (in am in ‘pre-season’ at the moment, that's for getting my mental-self ready). You see timing is everything.

Take my morning bus ride for example.

My bus journey gives me just enough time to to look smart (the fashionable; elegant version this time...I really do love thefreedictionary.com). This involves changing my shoes (flats to heels), putting on my jacket (ready to go from 31 degrees to sub zero in the air conditioning).... and of course time to check the morning emails… okay the fb updates. It's like clock work... 

I love timing, I love routine...

I hate disruption...

.....like last week when I got on the wrong bus (159 and 157 look very similar when you aren’t wearing your glasses). Then… I had just enough time to change my shoes, put on my jacket. check morning emails/ fb updates, panic… .hit the bell, stumble off the bus (why do I put the bloody heels on before I get to my desk?)… get on another wrong bus… hit the bell… step in middle of a main road to stop a cab (mmm maybe the heels were an advantage here?).... Freak out that the driver doesn’t know the way (& problems with me not being about to pronounce in mandarin where I'm going.... Thank god for google maps and universal language of pointing!!!)

So disruption…. Being ready for the hiccups along the way… what I really don’t want to do is give up if I fall off the wagon. If (when) I slip up.. I have to be willing to just keep going... and not give up until I have another 'official' start... I am going to stick to what Mentor M told me in ‘no more excuses…’ Don’t think… Just do it (no that isn’t a product placement…) because ‘I’m worth it ‘(no that wasn’t a product placement) either..  My philosophy is 'Impossible is Nothing' I just have to ‘think different’ because ‘Success is a mind game’ I know that ‘I am what I am” so I will just ‘keep going, going and going”… and hopefully be able to say...‘I’m Lovin’ it’.

(.. as per the BBC Impartibility Disclaimer: Other -  Sport products, clothes brands, computer companies, battery products and fast food restaurants are available.... and have nice motivational slogans too...)

I am worried I will lose motivation on this journey….especially if the scales decide not to show any reflection of my hard work….  That is why I have this blog… I am hoping by telling you all what I am up to you will help keep me in check...

---- Now the good news is I have just figured out how to enable comments (I think) so please feel free to write messages telling me how SMART I am.... So Mediocre At Researching Technology... by the way that's an acronym not a mnemonic.... see I know lots of big words...

up.. up.... and away...

No More excuses…

So it was bubs’ 1^st birthday this weekend… cup cakes, jelly, fairy bread….. wine…Cheers – We did it…. (does that mean I can't call it baby weight anymore?)

My motto this week is ‘no more excuses’….. no more: ‘I’m too tired’, ‘there is no time’…Mentor M says I have to stop thinking up excuses and get my not-so-toned butt to the gym, so it gets toned…

But how? ….….. I. Have. No. Time!

• I have to go to work.
• I have to play with bubs.
• I have to do my uni work.
• I have to clean the house.
• I have to cook (order takeaway).
• I have to pay the bills.
• I have to find time to talk to my husband.

Now I am not saying I am Superwoman (mmm nice product placement)…. This is every woman’s problem (and every man’s… though they would probably complain more often and louder about it).

Excuses -  if I need them, there are so many to choose from if ‘No Time’ is taken… I can use 'I’m too tired' (am I ever not?), it's to late, it's to early, I have to clean the house, my favourite show is on, I have to phone someone, It's too hot… and....  well I can’t use ‘it’s too Cold’ as I live in Singapore, but you can feel free to use it… here it is always 31 degrees, it's just either 31 and raining or 31 and not raining)… oh yeah - ‘it’s raining’.

So how to have the strength to ditch the excuses? Mentor M has this philosophy – just don’t think about it… the more you analyse the less likely you are to get moving and do it (‘Analysis paralysis’ –nice alliteration MM).

The thing is… now let's be honest people… we could set the alarm  to get up earlier…. We could take turns looking after bubs and go to the gym… we could….. we could….don’t do it…. Oh no.. that’s it… yep I’m siting on couch.. now I am never going to move….

So how?

Make it part of my every day routine says Mentor M… that means just as I would have a shower, brush my teeth.. I should exercise… it’s just what you do… not a separate 'special' activity… I wouldn’t skip a shower -  so I shouldn't skip the exercise.

A nice philosophy… now I have to make it happen… I’m trying to add it to my daily routine… but it is so tempting to just sink into that couch!!!

When I was at the gym yesterday… did you hear that: 'I WAS AT THE GYM' (let's not forget I am trying)…..I stupidly left my kindle on the bike… but as I live in Singapore… it was handed in (are the people here naturally honest or just living in fear of the Government?).

I was very grateful, but I did noticed that the good Samaritan read half of ‘50 shades….’ mmmmmm… are they going to think I am some pervert now? How embarrassing… (you all read it too didn’t you? Didn’t you? I’m not a pervert am I?)…Now I am so embarrassed at the gym… today I was cycling away… are they here? are they looking at me? do they know who I am? do they think I’m a sicko? or worse am... that I am easy????? I don't want to be handcuffed to the treadmill (Grey joke -  if you've read it you're smirking) and now I'm starting to think who are they?… is it a shy, lonely house wife who has now be liberated by Mr Grey? Or was it a curious business man getting tips…. Eeeewwww……

Anyway I freaked when I lost the kindle, not because of my poor taste in downloaded books but because it makes the exercise so much easier….. seriously though, I do have to get up off the reclining bike and maybe do some weights or running…. Very hard to read and do bicep curls at the same time as reading about…oh dear I need to download some quality books... suggestions please...

Okie dokie… time for some discipline (no that wasn't a Mr Grey joke)… but what do I do with all the left over birthday cake, jelly and fairy bread from Bubs 1^st birthday… 


maybe I’ll just drink the rest of the wine...


... on the couch of course...

Oh No.... Mr Grey.....

So I’m sitting having coffee with my mummy friend telling her about this great fitness program I have started (12WBT)… as I drink my ice mocha and eat my chocolate éclair… umm what’s wrong with this picture?

The problem is I have this thing about a ‘start date’… it has to be an official start… like I’ll start on a Monday…. I’ll start on the first of the month, I’ll start on my birthday, I’ll start on the 1^st of January… and I don’t feel I have officially ‘started yet’ . It’s the ‘warm-up stage according to Mentor-Michelle…(in 11 days is the start date – well the ‘pre-season’ as she calls it).

With out a ‘start dates’ I’m in all sorts… and what is worse… once I’ve fallen off the wagon I have to find another ‘start date’!

Okay so I have been good in some ways… I’ve been going to the gym (25mins on the bike, its great, I can sit there with the kindle reading all about Mr Grey… now that boy is tiring!!).

I actually enjoy my gym time… its Bubs free time and I get to read on the exercise bike uninterrupted (except to fan myself… not because of the exercise… But because of Mr Grey  - If you have no idea what I am talking about with Mr Grey click here (if you want to blush) –It’s the naughty book all your friends are reading, trust me they are!)

Mr Grey looks like one of these guys:

 

......it all depends on who you ask really (this was not just an excuse to put pictures of hot guys on my blog.. it's research..truly it is!!!)

Where was I??

Oh yeah.. anyway I was suppose to write down everything I eat this week.. in a  food diary… It went like this:

Monday

• Wheetbix and Yogurt (good girl)
• Tuna Sushi roll (good girl)
• One Square of chocolate (oops)
• Salad and chicken (good girl)
• Four squares of chocolate (oh dear)

Tuesday

• Missed breakfast, running late (oops)
• Tuna sushi roll (good girl)
• Magnum (oh no….)
• Noodles (not sure)
• Six squares of chocolate (£@$%!!!!!)

Wednesday

• Muffin (oh no)
• Mocca & Éclair……

I GIVE UP!!!


......‘Not officially started’ 
 – will start again next Monday…. or on the 1st...
...... how many days till my birthday
... ummm 177....

I got really, really worried when I realised that after 20 mins  working up a sweat in the gym (actually not sure if sweat due to the consequences of  ‘rolling eyes your eyes at Mr Grey’ or the exercise bike) that the calories burnt in that time only cancel out about three squares of chocolate.

I serious seriously need to sort that out.

I need motivation

I need conviction

I need to stumble into every office of a CEO until I find Christian Grey.....

Signing out…

Up, up, and away…

So it begins....

Before

I used to be skinny, oh yes I did... you know that saying 'youth is wasted on the young'... it is so so true. 

I was a tiny size eight (okay I am talking @16 alright)... but why, oh why, did I wear those big baggy tee-shirts over my swimmers? Now I am quite happy to go down to the pool parading around in swimmers (be it a bikini top with board shorts),  trust me, it is nothing anyone wants to see, but I'm happy to show it... who cares... (I think I need a wax..mmmm)

It is so true that as you get older you don't care as much (especially after losing all dignity after having a baby)... but when you're young and got it all... you are so scared of what everyone thinks (I so wish I could go back in time and shake that silly teenage girl).

That's got to be the best thing about getting older... you don't care anymore.. who cares what people think of me...  anyway, what was I saying? Oh that's right... I was skinny...

I scoffed pizza like there was no tomorrow (Pizza Hut waitress through Uni.. free food, Yah!)... Mum kept saying 'you're laying down the fat cells'... 'yer right, whatever' (When I go back in time I would also tell that girl to listen to her mother).

So I Hit my 20s... size ten... head over to the UK... got the 'heathrow injection' as the Aussies call it... bang hit size 12.

Had my first realisation that an item of clothes wasn't fitting me anymore... ouch that's a first.

So, I am a ten on top a 12/14 below (yep I'm a pear!)

Fix it

So I've never dieted as such, just not in me. But I can set goals.

I decided to run. I couldn't run to the end of the street.

But I 'trained'. I did a 10k run ('The man' ran it with me... sooo annoying. I trained for 6weeks, he woke up on the day and said 'yep, I'll run it with you'.. and there he was running backwards next to me saying 'come on you can do it'... if only I could articulate the colourful language I wanted to use...  anyways... I did it!... then decided to run a 1/2 Marathon. Did it... then go hooked.. over four years I did the Berlin, London and New York marathon... I then tried a triathlon (that's a very funny story I must tell you one day.

Now does that make me sound super fit? Well I wasn't, and I wasn't some skinny marathon runner. I am a 'turtle' as the old story goes... I plod along (wobble) but I get there (eventually). I wasn't skinny.. still a 10 on top 12 below... but I felt good about myself. 

Anyways... didn't last as long as I would have liked..

It Changed

33 and Pregnant (there is a long story between fix it and It changed remind me to tell you that one day too) anyways, where was I, yes..... pregnant... yah! I don't have to worry about how I look! Yah!! 

After nine months of munching on marshmallows and drinking coca-cola to keep the energy going (don't worry bubs turned out just fine... I took vitamins you see).. baby enters the world and OMG I put on 10kg...

I breastfed.. OMG they LIED you don't lose weight breastfeeding!!!!

Bubs is turning a year in two weeks and I still haven't shifted the 10kg (be it I have given up my job, moved countries, started a new job... you'd think that would be enough stress to lose some weight... but no...)

Here I am.

So bubs is about to turn one. I need to get a grip on things.. so now the journey begins...

up, up, and away...